U Haul

So, I'm in the car right now. I'm on my way to pick up some of my guy friends to help me move. I'm leaving for Alabama on Friday. See the thing is that igot in a little bit of trouble and iHave to go to alabama with my dad and grandma. The "plan" is that I'm gonna stay, but I'm not. I'm coming back for school. the part that's really irkin me is this, iHave been cleaning out this stupid house since Sunday and it is now Wednesday. its bad enough that I'm moving, at least let me get this over with as quick as possible. but iGuess thats too much to ask. but here is my thought. iWas thinkin that iCould go to alabama and then arrive back to school a completely different person. u know, take this time to go underground and "better myself" like u know lock myself in a room with my guitar like for hours at a time and stuff. come back to the D like Jimmi Hendrix. lol i'm gonna get up everyday and run too. i might as well use the country scenery for something. iMean what else is living across the street from a cornfield good for? what iguess i'm basically saying is this: lets take this negative and make it a positive. instead of wanting to cry everyday how about iLook forward to the opportunity. iMean who knows this could be a blessing in disguise. If sciety as a whole looked at more things like that then we would be much better off as a whole. iThink if people took more time out to think about shit outside of themselves then we would get more accomplished and be better off. now dont get me wrong, there are days when iJust have this attitude like fuck the world but......well thats just not right.

Loose This Skin

So, they say that most great songs come from when people really go through things. well, i think i'm about to write the best song ever. a couple of days ago i fell...on the concrete and busted my face. so now the whole left side of my face is pratically deformed. my eye is swollen shut, my skin is scraped off, my tooth is loose, i busted my lip, and now it's starting to scab up. so needless to say it looks horrible. and what does that mean?? it means that i cant go back to work at hollister until it heals...it also means that i cant go anywhere without people staring at me like i'm a martian. it really hurts. remember that insecurity i mentioned before. well ACTION!!! here it is. this is my face. My very being. i know i shouldnt care what people think but i do. and what makes it worse is that ma and amber went job hunting like to every store we could find to look for a job, me a second job because i really really need money and so does she. this was so inportant to the both of us and yesterday we went to the metro store. my face was horrible and the guy offered her a job. he wouldnt give me one. most likely for the way that i looked. that made me feel bad but i was okay. then i found out that i may not be able to go to this picnic that i really wanted to go to on friday. then my daddy keeps on acting like this is no big deal. he's so insensitive and he's actually trying to make me do work and i'm on pain meds, then on top of it all Pacsun called me and Amber in for a group interview today and well......i CANT GO. that was the last straw. iCried. i didnt mean to it just came out. kinda like emotional diarrhea. i dont want her to feel bad about the fact that i'm hurt and i def told her to just go. but i'm so hurt. i iwsh i wasnt an outcast. i feel ugly and i feel like i have to hide in my room under my covers. it's funny how the way u think and ur aspect on what u think about yourself and the world can change in all of 10 seconds. my whole summer has changed because of 10 seconds......iJust wanna {{Loose This Skin.}}