SISTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sooo, i'm at the house waiting for my new sister! amber is coming to live with me. I'm excited. iAlways called her my sister and now she really is............AWWWW!!!! to be continued.

everythings better on 4 wheels

OH THOSE SK8ER BOYZ!!!!!

its just something about them. is it the undeniable swag? the incredibly laid back attitude? is it the venacular unlike any regular nigga? is it the hand eye coordination to kill for, (wink). is it the love of all things completely cool? is it they way thier jeans fit a little slimmer and sag but only ever so slightly, and even sometimes have a little rip in them. is it the slim fit T-shirts? IS IT THE EXCELLENT TASTE IN MUSIC?? (yea maybe thats it). or it could be the way that board never leaves their side. shit, if u wanna show me ur a man u dont have to kick somebodyz ass, "get money and fuck bitches", or anything like that. nail an olley, do a rail grind, or shred in the bowl and u can have me right there. LMAO!! iDont know what it is, but they sure do get me. MY GOD! there is this one who shall not be named.....fly as hell. everything about him is just so damn perfect. like almost to the point where i had to tell him it pisses me off. maybe its the way they love the simple life...iono...but uh this boy.....he could get it. LOL!! o yea and plus four wheels beat two legs anyday. lol and a message to to the boy...dont worry about me.................

"let me make one thing clear, iDont need to ride yours i got mine right here" (subliminal messaging) Get it? LOL! (yea i'm really laughing out loud)

Loose This Skin

This was a letter to my stepmom, u should listen to Skin by Alexz Johnson on my player on the page while u read this. it makes it make sense
next time u and daddy talk about me make sure u tell him to make sure that i cant hear him. and also make sure u ask for the whole story. all since i have been here i have been helping out and doing MORE than what has been asked of me. yea okay i didnt start cleaning the house that very second that day but he just asked me would i like to take up the task and grandma and him said before i leave. they didnt say that same day. maybe if people would give me a time crunch i might actually satisfy him by keeping it. he wants to complain about me sleeping when i have not slept past 11 this whole time i've been here which is good for me. and he failed to mention this morning that it took me 30 minutes to get out of bed becuase i had a major migrane that i still have and he refused to acknowledge. even so i got up and juiced grandmas drinks all by myself and cleaned up the kitchen that he half cleaned the night before which took me all of over an hour and a half. now it was my understanding that juicing and cleaning up was a group effort but i guess he was too busy talking on the phone which he does all day and he's not handling business. or maybe he was paying me back becuase he put up some food after i cooked. AND the only reason i left the food out in the first place was because i cooked for the WHOLE HOUSE and he said he was going to get some. otherwise i would have put it away. plus i dont see what the big deal was anyway because he didnt do much of anything to the kitchen in the first place i had to reclean what he cleaned in the first place. but still it seems that while i'm going above and beyond what he's asking me to do he still has to find a way to critisize me. vacuum the whole house while he was gone including his trifling room and the only one who seems to notice is grandma. and the ipod, the o so hated iPod i was most definitely not ignoring or not paying attention to my grandma. i was cleaning which took like forever and i had the music on while i was cleaning. now if i couldnt hear grandma from the other room because of that i'm sorry i didnt know i had to change my program and clean silently and take longer because i crossed the alabama border. when she called me i most def took the ipod out of my ear and acknowledged her. but i already know how to take care of the hated ipod. and if i seemed perturbed while i was cleaning maybe it was because i hate the way he talks to her. and they constantly fight. i understand that it is hard dealing with her. but she's the one thats dying not him so maybe he should get over himself. nobody in this house should be more stressed than she is. AND I KNOW if i was to talk to him you or anybody else like he talks to her i would be SOOOOOOOO "DISRESPECTFUL" and yea i know there are times when the things that i say are out of line but i never talk to any of you the way he talks to her. i dont care how old he is respect is still respect. how can you dog me out about something that you do worse? then you wanna complain about me cleaning and i sit up and clean something to perfection and u come right behind me despite how grown you are and mess it right up and then get mad at me because i dont clean it. and u wonder whas wrong with me. my daddy treats me and my grandma like a tyrant. I'm so glad I'm coming home. he really shouldnt treat his only company like that because all i have to do is come home. then all he will have to talk to is grandma. and i dont understand how u can ask me why he would wake me up early in one convo and then in the next with him be tottally on his side. THEN for him to say the way i feel about my grandmother is niether here nor there??????????????????? thats just stupid. (sorry if thats disrespectful but i need to vent) my grandmothers dying basically and he thinks i dont notice?? i notice and it hurts which is why i dont mind helping out at all. its my job THATS MY GRANDMA i would do anything that i needed to do but it shouldnt be like it is. its like i help out and it doesnt matter because my daddy still has to lift a finger. thats wrong. and he should not critisize me for doing what he does. he doesnt do anything alllllll day but sleep and talk on the phone. he rarely does homework and from what i see its not because he's so wrapped up in grandma. maybe, if he took his own advice he would be caught up in all his own work. and he is so quick to pass judgement on me and i never judge him. i only state facts when he cant even see that. i never say anything about his mouth towards grandma, i never say anything about the attitude that he has that u cant see unless ur here, i've never judged him on the fact that some of the problem he has with people (i.e uncle g is not all other peoples fault) or even my mom. i never once not once judged him because of the fact that he messed her up. if he wasnt so stupid when he was young and played my mom because he wanted to be like the dirty niggas i mess with now, then maybe my mom wouldnt have kicked my ass, disowned me, called me all kinds of names, lied on me, and basically damaged me because she was really mad at him. maybe if it wasnt for him she wouldnt hate me now. but i never judge him. AND NO I"M NOT SAYING IM AN ANGEL!!! I KNOW WHAT I DO. but still...so next time he wants to talk about me to the only person i feel like i can use as MY sounding board and not HIS. (i.e you)then maybe he should consider all of this. and thats how i feel.

DJ Play That ♥Love ♥ Song

so, I'm sitting here and I'm listneng to If this world were mine by Luther Vandross and I'm so Proud of You by The Impressions. two great oldies. and I'm wondering why people dont think of love in the same way now as they did then. back when a love song really was a love song. back when a love song could make u cry. Dont get me wrong, every now and then we get the Ginuwines, or the Ushers,or the Justin Timberlakes to make a pretty impressive love song, and sometimes you may even get the Powerhouse tear-jerking ballads like Maxwell's "This Womans Work". still i dont seem to be getting the guaranteed songs with lyrics like "At last my love has come along, my lonely days are over and life is like a song" (ella fitzgerald) or "I only have eyes for you" (The Flamingos), or Songs about livingroom furniture that still make you wanna weep (Luther) see, iGrew up on Prince, Billie Holiday, Frank Sinatra, Teena Marie, Earth Wind and Fire, and people who knew what real love was. So now iGuess because of my long hours sprawled across my bed listening to people croon over lost loves, fantasy affairs, and lifetime loves full of moonlit kisses, iHave grown to have this idealism of what love should be. and I'm starting to think thats why i have so often become so disappointed. I've grown up in a society where love is fuckin in a club, or turning one's anatomy into hard candy. **DISCLAIMER** {now i'm not knockin fans of modern music, i.e Wayne and "lolipop", i mean u can catch me blasting it on any given day} the difference is, thats not my reality. that's my fun. my reality is "if i just see you every morning when i open my eyes" but, although the people i associae myself with claim to be in touch to what love is and how i want and need to be loved. somewhere we have a disconnect. seems all the hours i spent as a 10 year old listening to Blue Moon, my counterparts were listening to "the thong song". and u know its okay, i respect that, and i dont think that my lifestyle is any beter than anybody elses, because like i said i listen to eveything under the sun. the problem is what kind of attitude you let manisfest when u let certain things into your mind. It comforts me to think that some boy somewhere was sittin on the couch listening to his mom blast songs about men staying on thier knees forever and never walking again, while i was laying on my bed listening to Somebody Croon over their happily ever after. It comforts me even more to think that that same person sits on the edge of his bed thinking about me with an ipod jammed in his ear. somebody that thinks me getting on a sk8board is not completely dorkish, or if they do, they love it anyway. somebody who would shout my name from the top of the {insert tall building}. someone who will vow to make me better, love me for a lifetime, spend thier life with me, somebody to be incomplete without me, sombody who would fall on bended knee if they had to, somebody to say our love was Mo' Better, somebody who wouldn't mind sharing a flower or two if This World Were Theirs, somebody who didnt think i was complicated. Somebody who thought Nothing Even Mattered but me, And sombody who knew This Womans Worth. Till Then.....DJ Play Me A Love Song{{♥}}

Friends know best

so this guy i'm with is not a winner amongst the friends. they dont seem to think he can take care of me the way i need to be. ya knoe, sensitivity, love, affection, relativity, all the things that i need. kenzie refuses to accept it as a real relatinship, and to be honest sometimes i do too. see the prob is that i do need all those things listed above and i'm sceptical as to if he can. see i dont know if he's too caught up in being a hustler or a mack. i dont know if he can be a real boyfriend. when asked about it he says "i'll damn sure try" is that good enough? like really? i mean i know why i like him but right about now i'm tired of two month relationships ya know? then theres this boy i've always liked since like 9th grade but rarely talk to. well he's another musically inclined skater boy....and of course all the friends love him. he is more my type and all, but i'm not dirty. i would never cheat, i mean what if there really is more to **Mickey**. what if he really does grow to be loving. then what if he never does, what if the things he like never mesh into the things "we" can like?? my minds in a tug of war,and at the end of the dayits about me and him not me him and my friends but i dont wanna hrt any more. iGuess i just need to DRIVE SLOW HOMIE...only time will tell on this one. and i'm not really worried about him seein this because he wouldnt take the time to read it anyway....surprised?? dont be....... do friends really know best??....

The Siamese Twin...Gotta Love Her

So......iLike to think of myself as Carrie Bradshaw when it comes to this blog. Me=Not Very Capable of Moving around On it. Lets face it, when it comes to the computer, I'll never be a Chimy. BUT, I'll always be a writer. so i illicited some help from the siamese twim AMBER. i love this girl! as far as best friends go she's takes the toast. no scratch that. this girls my freakin sister. i can call her my best friend because iHave so many that i ove so much like MCKENZIE!!!!, SHIDA!!!!!!, JARE BEAR!!!!!, blah blah blah, i have alot and i'm lazy. anyway to the point. amber came in and is currently working her computer magic to give me an awesome blog. she's gonna put music and all kinds of shit on it. and given the fact that this blog is quickly becoming my life, i appreciate it. i appreciate her. i can talk to her about anything. niggas, what i've done, what i think, and she rarely judges me. she does however, give me an honest opinion. if i never met this ho in the 9th grade, i really dont know where i'd be right about now. well anyway, now that i'm done with the gheyness, i am happy she's fixin this thing up and as of now this shit is UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!!!!!

iNever Met A Toby That I Didnt like

soooo....i been thinkin right? about SEX. some people take it more serious than others. now, iUsed to have this idology that it had to be all perfect and stuff, but now, I'm not so sure. phyisical, physical. thats all i can get from it. so the question here is this. do i keep bein the good ol girl? or do i go along with the changes life has dealt me? idk, iThink i'm a Good Girl Gone Bad. and u know what? that doesnt bother me. why should i give a fuck? most people dont. plus i always wanted to try sex on a skateboard. LMAO!! no really. when things dont go ur way alot of times, u tend to change. I think i'm changin right before my very eyes. since i dont think imma have the Juno sittin on the corner playin my guitar love, then hey. time to throw down...cause u know........{ refer to the title}

And....Once again, I'm a nomad.

So, I'm somewhere else now. i caught a plane at 7:30 in the morning to Alabama. I'm here with my daddy and my grandma. She's really sick. i mean i knew she was sick but i didnt know it was like this. Grandma has always been pleasantly plump and huggable. now she a scant 112 pounds. thats way less than me. I'm scared. all my grandparents are sick and going down the same road. it's kind of sad. To watch somebody deteriorate before ur eyes. anyway, on a lighter note, my guitar traveled for the first time. i tried to get a sticker at the airport because i flew in to tennessee, Nashville. and we all know Nashville is Music City, so i wanted a sticker to put on my guitar case. but, that didnt work out. I'm just going through alot right now. i guess i just need someone to hold me, u know, tell me it will be okay. Where's **Mickey when u need him? lol. So right now i'm sitting at the leg of my grandmas bed watching the game. (28 to 43 LA, 2nd quarter 9.52 to go) I think when i got home off of the plane i slept a good 5 hours. I was supposed to see **Mickey before i left detroit but i didnt. hopefully we will spend some time with each other when i get back to detroit for good. I have orientation for my job on Sunday at 9. I'm so excited. i'm just glad to have some finances of my own.

Cali Chronicles

so far Cali has been a blast. Yesterday after i touched down we went to the hotel and checked in and then we were of to Mission Beach. as soon as we got there i changed into my bathing suit and began begging my mom to let me rent a surf board. (Mind u, iCant swim. but wth, who cares) So i met up with some surfer dudes and actually managed to stay up on the board! lol i thought it would be like skateboarding so it would be easy. it wasnt at all. lol. and it was freezing. it was like 69 degrees but iDidnt care. iWas determined to be a beach bunny. lol. so after i did that me and mommy took pictures and got hit on my like a million guys with lines like "u 2 must be sisters" and stupid stuff like that. Then my mommy let me get a Henna on my back. of course it's music notes. lol then we went back to the hotel, i got in the shower to wash off all of the beach gunk. so after that we pulled out once more and hit downtown San Diego. we got rode around my this guy on a bike thingy with a wagon bench in the back. so basically we got to stare at his ass while he rode us around. then he took us to this outside mall and i saw the CUTEST abercrombie and fitch employee/model. then we went to go out to eat at this nice Indian restaurant called Monsoon. on the way there we walked past a Hooters and these guys jumped out of thier seats and knocked on the windows to get us to come in. Hilarious!! so after the good food we went back to the Hotel and i ordered Juno and my mommy went to sleep. she had to wake up early in the morning to go to work. so I'm in the room by myself watching Tyra help people propose because when mommy gets back, ITS BACK TO THE SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so....ta ta for now

Exactly Like iAm

So, I'm sitting in the hotel room and iJust got done watching Juno. omg. that movie is sooo freakin good. It had some good things and elements in it. like selflessness for one. She gave up her baby to someone who really needed it, and i dont think i would have been able to do that. Then, the thing that sticks out the most to me is the comment her dad made. when he said u need to have somebody that will love you for all the things that u are, exactly how you are. that is so deep but at the same time it seems so unreal. iKnow I've loved like that before but see, I'm very open.....iDont know but me, iTend to be needy, i need alot of attention, sometimes i get bitchy (it's all in the genectics thanks to my o-so-generous mother..*sarcasm much?**), iBite my fingernails down to the quick, iHave guitar callous, iListen to music some people have never even heard of, iCan be really bossy, and a know at all, sometimes iPick @ people, and even though iDont mean to some people tell me iHave this air of "I'm better than u". but thats so hard for me to believe because half the time i feel like iNeed to step something up, or iWish i was something else, but them the other half iDont give a damn about anything or anybody. complicated huh? iWear Chuck Taylors, and i have ambitions as a surfer,sk8er. i Freakin love the 80's, iLove cars, and motorcycles, and i desperately wish that i stuck with basketball or at least had somebody to teach me more, considering that fact that i love it sooo much. Not to mention i have a host of the most wierd friends in the world ranging from beauty queens to homos and i love them all. and iGuess u wouldnt exactly put me in the "popular crowd" (wtf is that anyway?) in school, iDont think i'm in any crowd, I'm just there. all these things but together make me pretty wierd. How could i ever expect anybody to love all of that jammed together i mean truly. yea i have a boyfriend and all but he doesnt truly know me. he knows me but not the wierd me. but I'm not talking about a high school boyfriend. I'm talking about the real thing, u know the thing thats supposed to last for a lifetime. sometimes i feel that maybe love is sacrifice, that i might have to adapt the way that i am in order to get what i'm looking for, i dont know. all i'm really looking for is a love that is real. i dont want much. idk, maybe if i spent more time on music instead of thinking about this crap I'd have a grammy by now. and maybe if i put more time in my schoolwork i'd be freakin Steven Banks. idk......

Floatation Device Located Under Seat-Cusion, Oxygen Mask Overhead

So, I’m on the plane on my way to Cali, and I just got done with the climb. I hate that part. It always makes my ears hurt for the next 3 days. But lucky for me, this time I didn’t have to go through that agony. I had a stupid wad of gum and ear plugs (A.K.A index fingers, ear plugs just sound better). The flight has a layover in Chicago, then I’m getting right back on the plane in Chicago not but 15 minutes after I touch down, just to endure the climb again. I think the flight from Chicago to San Diego is about 3 hours. And this one I’m on now is an hour and 20 minutes. I didn’t get to talk to the hunny **Mickey** before I took off, but I did get to text him. iDont know how much talking I’ll be doing while I’m out of town since I currently own and operate a Metro Piece.Of.Shit. My daddy will NOT get me a contract because when I was younger and actually had time on my hands I ran phone bills through the roof. Now I hardly have time to talk. I text more than anything. Give me unlimited text and I’ll be cool. Bottom line, He’s not buyin my story. So therefore I cant wait for that hot “18” because I’m going to buy me a Blackjack…but I’m touching down now so ….TO BE CONTINUED

Title?...or not.

So, I'm sitting here watching the game (Boston and LA) and normally i would be beating the couch, screaming at the tv, and slappin fives, but i'm not. 1, Boston is down by 10 in the 2nd with 2 min left, and 2, because i am on my way to California. now i know what youre thinkin, "why the hell is she not excited" i am excited. Cali is like my second home. but see the thing is. i have a boyfriend now. (PAUSE) [ iNever actually said it to myself since i broke up with my ex, **Bobby**].(Play) well since I'm going, i'm not gonna be able to see him (my boyfriend **Mickey**)for like two more weeks and i havent seen him in almost two weeks already. now dont get me wrong, I'm gonna have my fun in the sun, but I'm still gonna miss him. then i get to thinkin well what if he gets tired of not seein me, or what if it gets old. or something like that. pretty insecure, i know. but hey, i cant help it. then i start thinkin, like this is a dude that nobody would expect me to be with. i mean i'm the choir girl, the girl who bites her fingernails and has guitar callous on her fingertips. the girl who listens to fallout boy and Alexz Johnson and works at Hollister. (i just got the job!) I'm the complete opposite of him. so sometimes i wonder why he picked me. i know some of the girls that were danglin on his balls, and so i wonder. now lets back this up real quick. this is not a self esteem issue or anything like that but just some things that i wonder about. see, little do people know I'm actually quite sensitive, only a select few will ever see that though. I've been through some things in my life that can harden a nigga up real quick, like for example, my stepfather came in to the dentist yesterday to sign a paper for me to get my wisdom tooth pulled (ouch) and they asked him did he wanna come back and see me and he simply replied NO. now i dont really care for him that much so i guess it shouldnt have really hurt me but it did. i guess i just wish he would care so that i would like him. Steph (the lady i live with) loves me and takes more care of me than most, and she isnt even my step mom. her and my dad are not even together any more and she still sticks around. we fight alot because of the fact that i'm a very opinionated person, but all in all, she's still here. the rest of that side (my real momz side) of the family talked about me behind my back, lied on me in court, said and did awful things, but they wanna say i'm turning my back on them because i dont kiss thier asses for it, or because i'd rather stay where i feel really loved. the only people on that side of the family i feel were ever true to me were my granddaddy (my complete heart) and my big cuzzo Paris. that, paired with stupid niggas fuckin u over, my abuelito's death, my grandaddy being sick with the same thing that killed my abuelito, my only living grandmother sick with cancer, and my daddy moving to Alabama to take care of her with diabetes himself. all that together can harden a heart really quick. but the funny thing is even with all this hardening, i still tend to be sensitive, which is what prompted all the questions at the beginning of this blog. i guess these are questions that can only be answered with time because i dont say these things out loud, its not like I'm gonna tell him or anybody else for that matter. hmmm.....idk (by the way, the Celtics are only down by 2 now. 4th quarter 6 min to go.